So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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