I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
