are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
