Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
