Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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