Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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