I have demons in me.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There's always time for handjobs
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
