just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
