my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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