Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
