Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
