So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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