She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
