my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
