Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
