I hate your face
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
