He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
