i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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