Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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