i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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