omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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