Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
