in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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