every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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