omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
