drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
