Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
