Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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