I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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