'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
