some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
