who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
