so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
