they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
