i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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