Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
