i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
