i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
