Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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