i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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