Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
