i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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