Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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