We're like a lot better than the average bears
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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