my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
