Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize
