and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
ok first of all what the fuck
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
