I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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