My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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