I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
