so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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