every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
