i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
