It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
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maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
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If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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