I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
