this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he thought i was a dude.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
