she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
