Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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