My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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