Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize