My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
