College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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