i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
