and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
