Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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