Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
